Outrageous Fortune

Is this what I'm going through, because for the life of me I just can't understand many things right now. Certain circumstances have left me perplexed at the situation I am in. In light of the events of the past few months I am forced in some ways to reflect back upon the decisions I attempted to make, I thought, for the most part I had the best intentions when I made them. Apparently though, I was completely wrong because nothing has gone right for me, I mean every decisive move I made has not turned out the way I had been expecting or hoping for. By the end of last year I was performing damage control in nearly every facet of my life. The raft I had been adrift on within the sea of troubles became engulfed with Greek Fire (inextinguishable fire used as a weapon during Greco-Roman times approximately) But this is not the issue, the disappointing times one experiences in life is never the issue, well for the most part, albeit this can vary from situation to situation. Whereas my situation was simply that I had suffered a number of crushing defeats that my heart was truly engaged in. This I think is the most difficult part of any defeat, relationship, or endeavor we may undertake. How much is our heart involved with the aforementioned action. Little connection equates to little to no repercussions if things do indeed go south. In my case I had invested a great deal, but again, not the point of conflict. The point of conflict arises with our reaction, our response, our reflex if you will to such events. I imagine we will all suffer at least a number of great calamities in our life but it is in our response where we can truly demonstrate the individuals who we are and what we have become. Needless to say I have some improving to do, specifically with regards to my spiritual reaction to such adversity. While watching a show on VH1(forget the name), the camera crew followed a rap artist by the name of JaRule, regardless of what you think of the rapper himself and rap music something he said I took in a great deal. Reflecting on the music scene, industry, lifestyle he remarked "Everyday is a battle" simple but also quite brilliant. For you see I truly believe everyday can be a battle across many fronts and in many places. The author John Eldredge raises a similar notion (must thank a dear friend for lending me some of his work, she probably thinks of herself though more as my life coach) that we are constantly fighting a spiritual war and that here on earth it is quite difficult but manageable given the right mentality (simplified version) or spiritual discipline. This is where I am in need of growth or assistance so that I may perform despite the war of attrition I am currently involved. I am missing the point of who has control of my life and what he is capable of doing through me in my life. I do not require reinforcements or more ammunition, I simply need a greater ability to believe. To believe and have courage. Because it takes courage to trust someone else with your life, it takes faith to believe in him who watches over all of us. If I let these sequential losses take a foothold I will lose so much ground that it will force me to retreat and fight harder to reclaim what I once had. If this happens, which it partially has, I begin to doubt, question, I lose motivation and this will absolutely be more destructive than any of the events which have occurred in my life thus far. I forget who, but someone once said to the effect, "Its not how hard you fall, its how fast you get back up" Well to bring in Shakespeare(Eldredge too), I have been hit by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and by taking arms against this sea of troubles I plan on opposing them to end certain calamities of this mortal coil. For it is only by maintaining our faith toward the greater good can we overcome such obstacles in life. Only by maintaing our faith through these dark times can we grow dramatically and not let our faith be shaken by such wordly events that would otherwise see us broken and torn away from him.