Outrageous Fortune

Is this what I'm going through, because for the life of me I just can't understand many things right now. Certain circumstances have left me perplexed at the situation I am in. In light of the events of the past few months I am forced in some ways to reflect back upon the decisions I attempted to make, I thought, for the most part I had the best intentions when I made them. Apparently though, I was completely wrong because nothing has gone right for me, I mean every decisive move I made has not turned out the way I had been expecting or hoping for. By the end of last year I was performing damage control in nearly every facet of my life. The raft I had been adrift on within the sea of troubles became engulfed with Greek Fire (inextinguishable fire used as a weapon during Greco-Roman times approximately) But this is not the issue, the disappointing times one experiences in life is never the issue, well for the most part, albeit this can vary from situation to situation. Whereas my situation was simply that I had suffered a number of crushing defeats that my heart was truly engaged in. This I think is the most difficult part of any defeat, relationship, or endeavor we may undertake. How much is our heart involved with the aforementioned action. Little connection equates to little to no repercussions if things do indeed go south. In my case I had invested a great deal, but again, not the point of conflict. The point of conflict arises with our reaction, our response, our reflex if you will to such events. I imagine we will all suffer at least a number of great calamities in our life but it is in our response where we can truly demonstrate the individuals who we are and what we have become. Needless to say I have some improving to do, specifically with regards to my spiritual reaction to such adversity. While watching a show on VH1(forget the name), the camera crew followed a rap artist by the name of JaRule, regardless of what you think of the rapper himself and rap music something he said I took in a great deal. Reflecting on the music scene, industry, lifestyle he remarked "Everyday is a battle" simple but also quite brilliant. For you see I truly believe everyday can be a battle across many fronts and in many places. The author John Eldredge raises a similar notion (must thank a dear friend for lending me some of his work, she probably thinks of herself though more as my life coach) that we are constantly fighting a spiritual war and that here on earth it is quite difficult but manageable given the right mentality (simplified version) or spiritual discipline. This is where I am in need of growth or assistance so that I may perform despite the war of attrition I am currently involved. I am missing the point of who has control of my life and what he is capable of doing through me in my life. I do not require reinforcements or more ammunition, I simply need a greater ability to believe. To believe and have courage. Because it takes courage to trust someone else with your life, it takes faith to believe in him who watches over all of us. If I let these sequential losses take a foothold I will lose so much ground that it will force me to retreat and fight harder to reclaim what I once had. If this happens, which it partially has, I begin to doubt, question, I lose motivation and this will absolutely be more destructive than any of the events which have occurred in my life thus far. I forget who, but someone once said to the effect, "Its not how hard you fall, its how fast you get back up" Well to bring in Shakespeare(Eldredge too), I have been hit by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and by taking arms against this sea of troubles I plan on opposing them to end certain calamities of this mortal coil. For it is only by maintaining our faith toward the greater good can we overcome such obstacles in life. Only by maintaing our faith through these dark times can we grow dramatically and not let our faith be shaken by such wordly events that would otherwise see us broken and torn away from him.

No Greater Love

Carl,

You were born on October 21, 1977. While your life lasted less than 48 hours, no other individual has affected my life more than you. We never met each other and only one picture exists of your brief journey. But you were beautiful while you were here. It is hard for me at times to comprehend the weight you took upon your shoulders. In the few hours you had you made the hardest decision I could ever imagine. What you lacked in life experience you made up for with brute strength and courage. While gasping for air through the mask supplying oxygen to you, I wonder what you were thinking. Any number of doctors today could tell me that you were too weak, too feeble to survive. I know however, for a fact, that for the time you were alive you were the bravest and strongest person in the world. Physical strength didn't matter, your strength lie in knowledge and foresight. How else could you have done what you did. How did you know? How did you know that only one of us was going to make it. I wish I could go back in time to the point when you decided to leave this tremendous planet. I swear, you must have had a smile on your face. Somehow you knew that I would become someone you couldn't have been. You must have said to yourself, "I'll just step aside, the kid behind me has me beat." I wish it could have been different. There have been times when I could have used an older brother, but then again I know you're always with me. I never knew you but I know you loved me. You gave me the only thing you ever had, life. Thanks, thanks for sacrificing everything you had for me. Thanks for being my brother. You're an inspiration to me. You're my hero.

I'll try to make you proud.

Erik

Redemption Song

What was it that Bob Marley was trying to impress upon us with this song. Should we all be looking for some type of redemption in this world? Personally, I am, I feel that I have to in many instances. But the question here is how to go about achieving this goal. Recently I have found myself relating to stories of redemption that have appeared in recent films. Not to argue that these are correct representations of how we should each go about attaining redemption, but they are a comforting note for comparison purposes only. Looking beyond the actors portrayal or what transpires during the course of the film is the story being told, the larger picture beyond the ugliness and violence which are apart of these films. The Last Samurai and Man on Fire reflect examples of men, men who have been involved in atrocities earlier in their lives. These men are haunted nearly on a daily basis and seek out addictions which do nothing else than medicate the pain they feel as a result of their actions. During the course of the films the journey each is on leads them to re-evaluate their conditions and seek redemption through the environment which they are in. By the end of each of these films they have each found the redemption they have been longing to find through actions of self-sacrifice. A noble cause led each of them to a better understanding of themselves, an identity which they had sought for so long. I believe we are all on similar journeys and we will each find redemption as long as our heart is focused on the eternal constant.

Major Richard D. Winters

When asked by his grand child if he was a hero in the war (World War II), this man replied,"No, but I was fortunate enough to serve with some during the war." Momentous, simply momentous and the reason being that rarely does a man truly humble himself and openly admit that there are individuals present who, for lack of a better word, are more of man than he is. Not to say that he is inferior, or that by simply serving and/or dying for a cause denote the entrance into manhood. It is my appreciation for his ability to admit such a thing. I am in awe, because too often today we fall in love with ourselves to some degree or at least place our actions, or intentions on a pedestal. Humility is such a wonderful trait. I think of it as such because at certain points in our life it can be an excellent learning tool. I'd like to think of myself as being surrounded by these types of individuals, and as a matter of fact I am. I am encircled by men (women too) who are all an inspiration to me. Their actions are daily doses of humility which inspire me to become a better individual. I cannot comprehend the positive influences they have had in my life, only to say that I would be half the man I am today if they were not present. These individuals give me something to strive for, something more so that maybe one day I could be a positive note in someone else's life. I wonder sometimes how to repay such friendship, such brotherhood. I can only provide them with undying loyalty, which I hope will suffice. I am not sure if they realize their importance to me, I just hope they know who to call when they are in need of help. I cannot fail them, because through their actions they have entrusted me with so much.

Carl Sagan

Few people might realize that when or if they can see the stars in the night sky they might be quite deceived by what they are actually seeing. I only make note of this because of the opportunity to see the stars out of the city on a recent visit back home. I would doubt that most people could tell the difference between a pulsar or quasar or realize that the shooting star they just saw is actually an orbiting weather or global positioning satellite streaking through the night sky. But this would of course take away from the majestic beauty that a clear night sky possesses. I am sure someone else would be content to sit back and enjoy the view of the twinkling night sky. I however, must question the light coming from these stars, and ask if the star is even still burning or if it has already burnt out. Or maybe I'm looking at a distant planet one in which we may explore or even colonize or perhaps even a neighboring galaxy. These influences come from the late astronomer which adorns the title of this blog. One thing I might want to do next time is to sit back and just enjoy the view, with no questions to ask it becomes easier to lose oneself within the undiscovered country of the night sky